the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
