Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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