You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
