Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
