mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How does one acquire holy water?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
