idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
