Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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