I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
