Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I am morally bankrupt
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
