I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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