I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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