Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
