Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
