Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
