Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
