The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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