i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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