OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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