You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
