I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
