My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
