I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
