And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
