Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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