I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
