Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dear god my vagina.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
