Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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