that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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