I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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