can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my liver is dry heaving
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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