i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
