remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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