I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
