headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
