You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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