He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
