there's paper in my vomit.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
