He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
