thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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