dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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