someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
