...so i touched it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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