Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
