People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
