I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
