battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
