I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
