flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
