I smell stomach acid.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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