I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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